Question by : Dear English native speakers?
Dear English native speakers!
Please, be so kind and tell me if there some grammar mistakes in the following text :
“Dear Mr. Jones!
My name´s Paris Hilton and I wish to work at the hotel reception in the UK. I wonder if you could employ me at your hotel.
I live in Slovakia, so I have an EU passport and don´t need any visa to work in the UK.
I finished the faculty of law in Slovakia in 2007. I am fluent in Slovak, Czech, German and I am also able to speak some Spanish.
I also have the necessary computer skills.
I am looking forward to receiving your feedback.
Best regards,
Dr. Paris Hilton
Thank you, Lord. You´ve helped me a lot.
Thank you, synopsis.
Don´worry I am not a terrorist. : D
I won´t choose the best answer as all of them are great.
Best answer:
Answer by flyyhwd
i think what you wrote can convey your idea clearly to any native speakers. i am not a native speaker, but a chinese. but i can understand your message perfectly.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
understandable but not colloquial
Dear Mr. Jones
I am seeking a position in hotel administration and enquiring if you have any positions at the moment.
I am currently located in Slovakia and looking to move to the UK immediately. I am available for an interview with three days notice, I am fluent in five European languages English ,Slovak, CZech and German. I have limited language skills in spanish and other slavic languages. I am competent in MS office and other computer programs.
I have graduated from university and wish to expand my international experience. I have EU citizenship and consequently do not need a visa
I may contacted on 123-45678932 or by email parishilton@yahoo.com
Your Sincerely
PAris Hilton
do not use an exclamation mark after the person’s name, do not us the title of doctor as that makes you over qualified, do not name your degree as the employment you seek isn’t in that field, don’t use american english as it makes you look ignorant
This is not at all bad; a very few alterations will bring it up to the level appropriate to a job application.
My name is Paris Hilton and I wish to work as a hotel receptionist in the UK.
(‘My name’s’ is a little informal for a job application (though good for most purposes). ‘I wish to work at the hotel reception’ makes it sound like you know which hotel you mean (the hotel). The sentence isn’t about a particular hotel, but about the job (hotel receptionist)).
I wonder if you could employ me at your hotel.
(Good).
I live in Slovakia, so I have an EU passport and don´t need a visa to work in the UK.
(‘I don’t need any visa’ suggests that most people need more than one visa to work in the UK. Most non-EU nationals need only one visa to work here, so ‘I don’t need a visa’ is better;- though your original wording is acceptable).
[I finished the faculty of law in Slovakia in 2007.]
(The only important error in your letter. ‘I finished the faculty of law …’ sounds like there was a building (the Faculty of Law) which you blew up. Much better to say:
I obtained the [Name of Qualification] in Slovakia in 2007.
I am fluent in Slovak, Czech, German and I am also able to speak some Spanish.
(Good)
I also have varied computer skills.
(You don’t know if you have the ‘necessary’ computer skills;- you won’t know that until you have done the job. You do know that you have varied computer skills.
The sentence is acceptable this way, but it would be even better if you said:
I have computer skills in [Word, Excel, Powerpoint, Timetabling Software, ABTA advanced booking system …..] whichever of those skills you have).
I am looking forward to receiving your reply.
(‘feedback’ is usually the general discussion session after an interview. A letter normally gets only a reply).
The letter would have been completely understandable even before these improvements. But this rewrite makes it much more natural in English.
I don’t think a wholescale reconstruction is needed.
….
There should be a comma after Dear Mr. Jones, (not an exclamation point!).
Lordpercywooster’s redraft is mainly acceptable, but when he writes:
“I have limited language skills in Spanish …”
that means:
“I speak Spanish, but very badly …”
I would also avoid suggesting that you have skills in ‘Slavic languages’. I would guess that as a Slovak speaker you can communicate in Czech well enough that only another Czech (or a Slovak) would notice that you were non-native. You could probably also get by with Polish. But Serbian and Montenegrin are tough cookies … don’t volunteer to understand them until you are asked to.
You: “i wish to…” would be much better rendered as “i would like to…”
You: “I wonder if you could…” > “i wondered if you could…” wonderED because this is a subjunctive II.
You: “I live in Slovakia, so i have an EU passport and don’t need any visa to work in the UK” > “I am from Slovakia, an EU member state, and would therefore be able to work in the UK without having to apply for a visa.”
You: “I finished the faculty of law…” > “I graduated in 2007 with a degree in Law”
You should also enclose a CURRICULUM VITAE.